


Without You

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-23
Updated: 2007-07-23
Packaged: 2018-09-06 03:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8733217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared worries that Jensen is getting cold feet, is he right, or is it something else?Major schmoop warning with this fic!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This is my try at a commitment fic, so hopefully it's a _good_ try! Title and inspiration from Without You by Jason Manns.  
> 

Seven days.

_You're just worrying yourself over nothing. He's just busy is all. I mean, he's getting married too, it's not like I'm the only one here. But why is he gone all the time? What is he doing with Jason when he isn't here? Cheating? NO! I may not know what he's doing with Jase but I know he isn't cheating on me. He loves me and he'd never do that. So what's he doing when he's gone?_

Jared had been worrying himself with thoughts of Jensen's secretive outings since they started a month ago. Around the time they started planning the wedding. He couldn't stop the thoughts that spread like germs in his mind. _What if you rushed it? What if it was too soon to propose? He's getting cold feet, trying to find a way out of it._ But he tried to ignore the malignant whisperings, determining that as Jensen had helped so much with planning the wedding that he must want to go through with it. But still there was the empty space in the bed when Jared woke in the morning and he couldn't help but listen a little. 

Five days. 

_Look, you're just going to have to bite the bullet. Talk to him. God, what if he says it, "I don't want to marry you." I don't think I could take it. But I'd rather him say it when it's just the two of us then in a room with our friends and family._

Jared sat at the kitchen table, tense and grim-faced, trying to think of what he would say to Jensen. He couldn't just come out and accuse him of... what? Cheating? Spending too much time with his friends? _God,_ he thought, _I'd sound like a woman!_ He sighed, tired of being in doubt. He flinched as his phone rang. He looked at the display, Jensen. He couldn't even bear to answer, letting it go through to voicemail before picking up the message. _Hey Jare, I'm staying late at Jason's. I'm sorry, I know you wanted to spend some time tonight, but with everything that's going on, you know? Soon though, I promise. Love you._ Jared's first thought was _Does he though?_ He stopped listening to that niggling voice then, turning off the kitchen light and walking to the bedroom. He didn't realise he had fallen asleep until he was awoken by an arm sliding over his side and along his stomach. He moved into the embrace, sleep clouding his thought. "Sorry I was late, forgot the time." Then he remembered. Jason. Jensen spending all his time with Jason when he should be home. Jared closed his eyes, stopping the thoughts that threatened to come flooding it and banish sleep from his mind. He leaned into the hug and shivered as he left a soft kiss placed just below his ear. _Of course he loves me._

Four days. 

Jared had no time for worrying about Jensen with the arrival of his family. He practically ran into his moms arms when he saw her in the airport, before being seized upon by Megan, she hung on around his neck as he lifted and spun her. "JT, put me down!" He lowered her feet to the ground but he knew she loved it, had since she was little. "Keep rough-handling me like that and I'll be in no fit state to be a bridesmaid!" Jared leaned in to ruffle her hair and she squealed and slugged him hard on the arm. "Hey, watch it," he said, rubbing the tender spot, "I don't wanna be bruised for the pictures, I am the pretty one after all." Megan giggled as Jared smiled brighter then he had in a couple of weeks. Seeing his family again made him realise that his worrying was stupid, childish. He should just talk to Jensen, be open and honest and work this all out. 

Three days. 

Jared had not had a chance to talk to Jensen, both their families arrived and Jared was feeling frustrated as Jensen was once again with Jason. Jared was left to go over the final arrangements with his own mom and Donna, making sure the seating plans were correct, double checking the car arrangements and making sure everything would run smoothly. He was starting to feel the all too familiar throb of a tension headache as he had spent most of the day worrying about the wedding that was rushing to meet him, and the worries of Jensen's absence that would not abate. 

He flopped into bed at three in the morning, feet aching, back twinging and head still pounding out a beat of pain with each beat of his heart. He knew this had to stop, knew he should stay awake and talk to Jensen, it had gone far enough, but he was so tired that he just couldn't care at the moment. 

Two days. 

It had gone far enough now. This was their last day together. They had decided that they would spend the day before the wedding apart, do something slightly traditional. So now was the time for Jared to talk to Jensen. He slipped silently out of bed, not remembering waking when Jensen had joined him, and went to the kitchen to get some coffee. He had just poured himself a cup when Jensen shuffled into the room, hair tousled and sticking up, eyes squinting against the sun, still in his night clothes. Jared cleared his throat before speaking. "Jensen, I think we need to talk." He knew as soon as he said the words that they came out wrong. Jensen froze, face still sleepy-blank and just looked at Jared. He grabbed his own cup of coffee, sat down and looked into Jared's eyes. "That sounded wrong, except maybe it didn't. What is going on? Since we decided to get married you've just been gone the whole time, _with Jason_ ". And that sounded wrong too, he knew from the look on Jensen's face. "I just mean, look you spend all day with him and I don't know what to think. Do you still want to marry me?" He didn't mean to blurt it all out like that, but thought if he waited any longer he'd chicken out. "Jare, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that you felt like that." Jensen opened his mouth, then closed it, looking for the right words. "I can't... I don't want to tell you exactly what I've been doing with Jason," he spoke louder, seeing Jared was about to speak, "because it's a surprise for the wedding. I wanted you to have something special and so I didn't tell you." Jared was starting to feel foolish. He should have known it was something like that, that Jensen would have told him if he was having doubts. He smiled slightly and Jensen took his hand, "Jare, I love you and in two days I'm going to marry you and nothing will change that." This time Jared's smile filled his face and he stood up and led Jensen back to the bedroom, they were going to be apart tomorrow, so he wanted to make the most of today. 

One day. 

Jared woke, stretched out in bed and reached over for Jensen. He felt only tossed sheets and then remembered why he was alone. _"I'm getting married tomorrow._ And no other thought could find purchase in him mind as he walked to the bathroom. After brushing his teeth and getting dressed he went for a long walk. taking his time as he strolled around the park. He remembered the first time he had been there. Jensen had practically had to drag him out of bed at 3:30 one morning and Jared had grumbled as he wrapped himself in three layers of clothes to protect against the chill October weather. Jensen had led him up a small hill and spread a blanket on the dew covered grass for them to sit upon. Jared sat close to Jensen and they sat in almost silence as they watched the sun rise. Jared had let his head rest on his lover's shoulder as they watched the sky turn from almost black to orange streaked with pink and then the deepest blue. Jared was almost asleep, not from tiredness, but from the serenity as Jensen held out a simple gold band and whispered "Marry me." Not exactly a question, just a simple request. And Jared had been too shocked for words, he nodded, slid a hand to Jensen's cheek and kissed him. 

Today. 

Jared had never been more nervous in his life. He already felt the sweat seeping into his socks and sticking the shirt to his back. His mom was fussing over his tie and smoothing his hair. He tried to relax and breath a little but he was just so on edge that nothing could help. He froze as he heard the quiet knock on the door, it was time. 

Naturally it all went without a hitch. Jared calmed as soon as he saw Jensen standing next to him, wearing the same nervous expression and trying not to sweat through his suit. The reception was, well the only word Jared could think of was, fun. Everyone was relaxed, strangers becoming friends and everyone laughing and smiling. By the time for the speeches everyone was at ease and the laughter and smiles increased as everyone shared their stories. Jared was just beginning to wonder that Jensen's 'surprise' was when he rose to his feet once more. "There's just one thing left really, for us all to get our dancing shoes on. Now I know this isn't exactly a everyday wedding, but Jared and I felt like we wanted to keep this tradition. There is one present left however," as he spoke these words Jared's attention to him increased. "I've been working on this with a good friend of mine." Jason stood up, sliding a guitar out from under the table, and took a deep, and rather comical, bow. "Thank you Jason. So this gift is for Jared, to let him know that I may not always be able to say how I feel, but sometimes I get it right." 

Jared stood at took the hand Jensen offered him, walking to the dance floor with a quizzical expression. He stood in front of Jensen. _A song? All that time I've been worried he's having second thoughts and he's been writing me a song?_ As Jason started playing Jensen held Jared close and started to move with him. 

_Sunlight falls across your back and I can't move, I can't react. Do you know what it would do to me if you could love me completely._

The words washed over Jared and he closed his eyes, feeling Jensen move with him and feeling as if they were the only ones in the room. 

_And not for long I've been with you, but I feel like I was made for you. Do you know what it would do to me if you could love me completely._

Jensen whispered so low that Jared barely heard him, "Sorry I made you worry, I just wanted to do something special for you. 

_I can't explain how I feel about you. All I know is that I can't live without you. Without you. Without you. Without you._

Jared smiled softly. "Don't you know that this is already special enough?" he whispered back as he heard more couples joining them on the dance floor. 

_I can't even think of words to say, so complicated when you're three-thousand miles away. People say that I should just let you go But I won't, 'cause I can't and I thought you should know._

There was no need for anymore words as the moved together. Jared was amazed. He never thought he'd have a day that made him feel quite like this. Loved, special, whole. 

_Because you fill my heart with joy, and 'cause you made a man out of this boy. And 'cause you will forever be on my mind, forever. And 'cause you will forever hold my heart._

The song ended but Jared barely noticed, his entire world consisted of him and Jensen and after today that would be all he'd ever need. 


End file.
